Are your dating expectations keeping you single part 2
I had hoped I was ready to move on from the topic of unrealistic dating expectations. I ended the previous blog post thinking I said my piece, I had squawked from the highest virtual mountain top, and I made my point.
I was wrong.
The passing of a popular “relationship expert” caused quite a bit of upheaval, men were upset, many women were…not so upset…and I don’t agree with much of what he said and stood for, but he was right about some things so I can’t say it was all bad.
Personally, I find it despicable to generalize and say all men or women over a certain age do a certain thing, act a certain way, or suggest they’re not as valuable as someone from a younger age group. It’s true that as we get older our dating pool shrinks, but we also gain a lot of experience. And for those of us committed to the work of healing and evolving, we inevitably get better.
I’m completely over the battle of the sexes bullshit and conversations that create divide and pollute the world with bad advice, negativity, cruelty, or people stating their opinion as if it’s a fact.
So I’m going to share this with you because this point has been made by multiple men and it does seem like there’s something to it.
I’m ready for the hate, bring it on. Let’s just right in…
Here’s the problem with filters, old pictures, and over editing your images: it probably doesn’t look like you. I know that stings and I love playing with filters too but what I’m getting at here is that if you don’t look like your pictures, that’s deceptive. It’s safe to assume that men are reaching out, commenting, connecting, liking your profile or social media because of your images.
It’s not hard to get caught up in the attention; it’s a nice, and oftentimes, a much needed ego boost. Getting carried away with the attention feels amazing after all the crappy dates, asshole men who have hurt you, and men who you want that aren’t giving you their attention.
But let’s be honest, sometimes we forget to remind ourselves that we’re only posting our very best pictures. Out of ten selfies, I probably catch one I kind of like.
The problem happens when we believe our own hype, virtual hype to be clear, and our expectations of the opposite continue to rise to meet our level of hotness. He needs be at least 6’0, I want him to have a fit body, he must have all his hair. We overlook the guys out there, giving us attention who probably don’t fit that criteria but could be a good match.
I don’t know how to say this nicely so I’m just going to spit it out - if you expect men to have something you don’t have, I’d encourage you to rethink your expectations. Let me clarify: do you want him to be fit and healthy - are you fit and healthy? I don’t mean when you lose 10-15 pounds, what you looked like before kids, or how you look in pictures from strategic angles. Do you want him to speak multiple languages - do you speak multiple languages? Do you want him to be at a certain place in his life - are you generally in that same place?
If your expectations align to your own level in a given area, you’re doing something right. If you’re not at the level you expect men to be at, get to work and get there or adjust your expectations.
The applies to men too.
Here are some signs your expectations may be the problem:
You regularly don’t attract who you’re attracted to
You don’t get called back much
You feel frustrated when you’re on a date because it’s not what you had hoped
You get impatient because you don’t feel that immediate spark
It’s time to be kind and heal, first ourselves, then each other.