Are your expectations keeping you single?
We’re going to take an honest look at dating expectations. It’s not uncommon that people are unrealistic about what they expect from a prospective partner, while they resist making changes that align them with the type of person they’d like to attract.
What a woman wants from a man is usually the first topic that comes up when talking about her current relationship status, and it’s the topic they’re most adamant about not compromising on, so it’s time to discuss this.
I’m a believer in manifestation, vision boards, positive affirmations - all the things. I’m not going to tell you that you shouldn’t reach for the stars, and you’re absolutely worthy of everything you want.
The topic of love, though, is a special one. Having first-hand experience I can tell you that my partner did not check every single box on my wish list, but he’s more than I could have hoped for.
When women tell me what they want in a man, it never fails that they want someone tall, handsome, and wealthy. Some care more than others about how much wealth, but you get the point.
There’s often a crystal clear idea of what they want him to look like and have, sadly I find that the focus is frequently on the wrong things. As much as we hate to admit it, many of us focus on the more superficial qualities of a person, I was guilty of this too.
Searching for the same qualities over and over will keep landing you with the same man. Over and over.
Something that I have in common with all of my friends who found love after 40 is that we were all surprised that the man we fell for was not the type we usually dated. And I do mean all of us. I’m not telling you to date the opposite of the type of man you’re attracted to but come on, ladies, we have to admit that the same decisions will get the same outcomes.
So what do you do when what you’ve been doing isn’t working? You do something different.
In my case, I didn’t feel sparks on the first date, I felt sparks on the third date. This doesn’t mean wait around until date three if you’re really not feeling it, but keep in mind that the elusive connection you’re seeking isn’t just physical and it may take more than one or two conversations.
Here’s another way to look at it, figure out what you emotionally need from a man and decide what your must-have qualities are.
This is my list of non-negotiables that aren’t of the physical variety:
He tells the truth. If you catch him in a lie, even a small one, this is reason enough to drop him. I have no patience for liars. Remember that it’s not just about his words, watch his actions.
He has integrity and does what the hell he says he’s going to do. Moral principles that align with your own are essential. A key to success I’ve witnessed in numerous relationships is having shared beliefs. Don’t shy away from this topic, it will come back to bite you if you don’t explore it.
He’s emotionally mature. No more man babies, if he can’t communicate, he has a temper he can’t control, or he shows some other sign of immaturity then run.
He’s kind. Compassion is a huge thing and a kind man will be empathetic when you need him to be.
