Which dating app should I use? They all suck!

"Which app should I use? They all suck!" I’ve been asked that question so many times over the years. Summer is coming and love (and other things) are on the mind. I want to give a simple straightforward answer and say “Go on Match/Hinge/Tinder/TheLeague, (whatever) surely you’ll  find someone there.” Much to no one’s surprise, they don’t. They swipe and swipe and eventually close the app for a while, delete it all together only to redownload it months later (best friend, I’m talking to you), or perhaps find a person or 10 to swipe on only to be disappointed before anything even starts. So they ask “What’s wrong with people” and I’m going to piss you single folks off with this, but what (or who) is the common thread in all of these experiences? I’m looking at you. 

So that takes me to the next part of the conversation. I tactfully try to figure out a nice way to ask that question and help guide them to an epiphany. Surely they haven’t thought of THIS before. It doesn’t happen. I get a full download of everything that’s wrong with the dating scene. Why men suck. Why women suck. Why they are happy to be alone and prefer it. Really. Now they have time to hang out with their cat, watch more tv, or go out and live life. Except they don’t. Not like they claim they will anyway. 

And not to harp on this but if that were true and they were happier being alone, they wouldn’t be inclined to go back and try again. That grain of hope doesn’t go away. So maybe it’s time we start talking about this in a different way. Maybe we need to ask different questions. A little perspective-shifting never hurt anyone. 

Intentions are what matter here. Yours and theirs. I dated aimlessly for 20 years until I met my fiance. I could have also met him at a park (actually, no that wouldn’t have happened), at a grocery store (also unlikely we lived in different cities), or maybe through mutual friends (nope, we have no mutual friends). I met him online.  I encourage people to go out and meet people organically and join clubs or engage in activities that they are interested in. But, I also encourage people to take a look around a few dating apps and see if anything stands out to them. You will absolutely come across serial daters, married people, and awkwardness but you will find that meeting someone organically too. People are people. 

So I'll leave you with these questions for now. What do you want? How do you want it to feel? What are your boundaries and are you saying no to what doesn't align with your long-term goals? If you say you want something serious and long-term, it's time to understand this is 99% mindset.

Till next time - cheers!